Mid-Life Exercise

Exercise after a certain age goes from being a hobby to being a health requirement. In your 20s it's all about getting the perfect body, in your 30s it's at best a desperate attempt to keep the belly down and by the time you get to your 40s it's all about...Yoga!

Nobody warns you that Yoga becomes mandatory in middle age. Well, when I say mandatory what I really mean is - Yoga is the only way to meet new people. My circle has reduced to single figures. In fact my social life is turning into just a series of Yoga classes and retreats. I can't remember the last time I went on a proper date. My ex was always complaining that I didn't make time for him and that I have exceptionally high standards - what a loser.

So, the other day I decided that I needed to find a more sociable sport. I wanted to take up tennis but I needed a partner, someone who would share my love of the outdoors - luckily there's an app for that. I quickly realised that everyone's doing it.

Now, instead of swiping left, I'm swiping right for good matches...and the best thing about this app is that when I refresh I get to order more equipment. This exciting new world has me hooked on a routine of exercising three times a week and continually editing my profile to update my new skills.

My first match wanted to meet the next day and I was excited. I was so excited that I didn't refuse his invitation to meet at 6am. It was a little earlier than my usual games but so what. I did what every good mannered person would do and waited in the bushes as instructed...until a dog got a little too friendly that is.

My second match made me a little suspicious. I mean we all get a natural high when exercising but this guy was always trying to get a hit on the baseline. It turned out he was actually a doctor and an amateur footballer in his spare time. For a while I thought he was a man after my own heart...but he wasn't a keeper.

My third match turned up to the court wearing a suit and carrying flowers which was lovely if you're into that kind of thing. Personally I kind of prefer a little mystery.

If you want my advice most of the singles on the app are only available on weekday afternoons and some of those are mostly pensioners with too much time on their hands and a slight obsession with the official rules of the game. So look for mixed doubles instead. The game would be much more enjoyable and a definite advantage. Avoid beginner level because at that level the balls are out more than they're in. When they come over the net they're less like tennis balls and more like wrecking balls covered in yellow felt.

Nowadays I'm sticking with the more experienced players for fun games only, because after all this effort I've realised that at the end of the day Love means nothing on the court.

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