Politics for Dummies

Lately, I've started to notice that everyone seems to have acquired knowledge. It's the kind of worldly knowledge that enables them to have stimulating conversations on topics like philosophy, religion and art. All topics that I know absolutely nothing about by the way. Sometimes it feels like a secret club that I somehow missed the invitation to.

Somewhere between leaving school and reaching their 40s my friends got educated by society while I'm left Googling for knowledge. Don't get me wrong, I got a degree that leads to a job, that leads to money and the promise of a successful career but it seems that I missed a whole new world of self help books, inner peace and vegetarianism.

So I decided that I needed to become more intelligent to broaden my knowledge. So I thought I'd start small, start by learning about British Politics. Well, I say 'learn' I know something about left wing and right wing, but to be honest I know more about chicken wings than I do about what happens in Parliament. For example I can tell you the difference between salt and pepper wings and BBQ wings and I can tell you where the nearest chicken shop is located, but ask me to name the Shadow Chancellor and my mind is a blank.

I've heard the debates on TV and the cries of 'yeah, yeah, yeah' by MPs, but it just makes politics feel like a low budget boxing match with out of shape opponents and misbehaved fans.

My mate Dave says 'you need to be learning about American politics because we've got a special relationship and it's way more interesting. More interesting? America's elections are just as bad. They're more like never ending blockbuster movies with regular promotions on Twitter. And don't get me started on their debates. It's more like two drunk grand dads arguing at a wedding than a debate. No punch ups there.

Honestly if that's a special relationship then it's a toxic one where you're forced to be together because no-one has invented divorce yet, and you would still only stay together to keep hold of your possessions.

Anyway forget politics, I think I'll start my own club, a safe space for chicken lovers where no political talk is allowed, and the only heated debate we'll be having is whether we prefer mild or hot peri-peri sauce on our quarter chicken.

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