Shopping free stand-up comedy material

The trouble with shopping

Shopping has changed. It's not like it used to be. High streets have disappeared and everything is online. What's the point of shops? What's the point of shopping?

Dressing for school was so much easier. A uniform of dull colours that united us all - we all looked poor together. Personally I think we should wear one big gigantic brown sack. Now, I know some of you may think that's a step too far but hear me out. We could have a sack for all seasons - a summer sack, an autumn sack, a winter sack and a spring sack. Posh people would need a designer sack - for the label, sporty people could still have their sporty sack don't worry and for a night out I would suggest a nice little revealing sack made of mesh material.

We wouldn't have to worry about size anymore because I don't know about you but I find it difficult to know what my actual size is these days. Depending on how a shop labels an item, I can go from a size 14 to a size 20 in the 5 minutes it takes me to walk from one shop to the next. I have been known to skip the gym altogether and just hang around the shops to loose weight.

We could order in bulk - one simple order - a brown sack. My sacks would replace the 5 items of clothes that are all I ever wear in my wardrobe anyway - my jeans, a T shirt, another T shirt, leggings and a jump suit.

We would no longer have to deal with other shoppers because there's something about a 25% sale that turns perfectly normal human beings into shopping daemons.

Recently I decided to test my theory that we would all be better off wearing a sack by joining Instagram. I even attempted to perfect the perfect shot of me looking at my phone while taking a picture of myself in the mirror looking at my phone.

After a couple of months I decided enough was enough. My next career move was not going to be a fashion influencer or even a low paid model, because after all my efforts while my friends were being spotted by model agencies all I got was my two friends Donna and Sharon on a Saturday afternoon following me around taking videos on their phone like they were directors and I was an actress in a movie being chased by Steve the security guard at the local supermarket.

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